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Stroke of Fear

Alla Kar

To anyone searching for their perfect match.

Chapter One

Aubrey

   I wasn’t always this way. Scared. Frightened. Timid. I used to live. In every way imaginable. Now, I’m a shell of that person. I’m empty. The chill that’s overtaking me is the chill that used to thrive in me.

   The breeze from the water below smashes into me like a brick. The familiar smell registers within me and my knees weaken. The endless bottom is staring up at me, its rushing rapids hitting hard against the cliff I’m standing on. I clench my fist as I take a step toward the edge. I can’t seem to make myself look the other way. It seems too close, like every step back I’ve taken the cliff inches closer, wanting to pull me down to the black abyss of water that’s waiting to swallow me whole.

   “Aubrey, just jump already. ”

   A lump forms in my throat. I can’t respond. They don’t know any better. They don’t know anything. I didn’t dare tell anyone what happened four years ago. It’s like swallowing acid to talk about it.

  A warm arm stretches around my stomach and pulls me back against a hard chest. I stiffen in his arms. Not having control around water frightens me more than anything in my entire life. “Aubrey, you said you were going to jump. We only have thirty minutes before we have to get back to camp. ”

   All the more reason not to go back. Camp Awesome is a summer camp for teenagers. Most of them too busy fondling each other behind the cabins to care what activity we’re doing that day. When Cassie, my roommate, suggested we take the job as camp counselors, I couldn’t wait to start. I need the money for my books for classes in August, since I lost my scholarship my second year of school.

Maintaining straight A’s is harder than it looks—especially when you spend most of your nights hiding from your nightmares.

   “I’m not going to jump. Just looking,” I whisper.

   Jake laughs in my ear, nibbling on my earlobe. “Come on, babe. ” He shakes his wet head back and forth, slinging water all over me. “We’ve all been. It’s your turn. ”

   Shaking, I grab his forearm and untangle his arm around me. “No,” I say, taking two steps away from him.

   Jake screws his mouth up and runs his hands through his dark blond hair. “Baby…come on. It’s so much fun. I’ll even jump with you. ”

   I set my jaw.

“She says she doesn’t want to jump. Leave her alone, Asshat,” Cassie yells. She comes to a stop beside me, her hands on her small hips. Her long wet hair is matted up in a bun on top of her head.

   Jake rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his large chest. Cassie and Jake don’t get along well. She thinks he is an asshole and he thinks she is easy. Both are true. Jake and I have been off and on since freshman year. I’m not even sure what we are anymore. He tells everyone I’m his girlfriend, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. He’s the quarterback on the college’s football team. He’s good, but he won’t go pro. His body is always nice to look at, though. The connection we once shared vanished. It just left without saying goodbye, leaving us to figure it out ourselves.