Читать онлайн «The Princess Saves Herself in this One»
Автор Amanda Lovelace
THE PRINCESS SAVES HERSELF IN THIS ONE
Copyright © 2016 Amanda Lovelace
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Second edition.
ISBN-10: 1532913680
ISBN-13: 978-1532913686
the
princess
saves
herself
in
this
one
for the boy who lived.
thank you for inspiring me to be
the girl who survived.
you may have
a lightning bolt
to show for it
but my body is a
lightning storm.
table of contents
I. the princess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 - 37
II. the damsel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 - 87
III. the queen . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . 88 - 128IV. you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129 – 153
here lies
the raw,
unpolished,
& mostly
disjointed
pieces of
my soul.
ah, life—
the thing
that happens
to us
while we’re off
somewhere else
blowing on
dandelions
& wishing
ourselves into
the pages of
our favorite
fairy tales.
once upon a time…
I. the princess
a little bookmad.
i could be found stroking
the spines of my books
while i sat locked alone
inside my
all the while, i hoped my books
would spill their exquisite words
over the lush green carpet
so i could collect them one by one
& savor them like
berries inside of my mouth.
when i had
no friends
i reached inside
my beloved
books
& sculpted some
out of
12 pt
times new roman.
-
my mother
smiled
as she offered
a cube of
sugar
in her
upturned palm.
greedily,
i accepted.
i reached inside
my mouth,
delicately placing one
(just one)
on the center
of my tongue,
& i clamped
down.
salt.
that is what abuse is:
knowing you are
going to get salt
but still hoping for sugar
for nineteen years.
one night,
to feel the bed rocking
back & forth
back & forth
back & forth
back & forth
back & forth
back & forth
back & forth
back & forth
back & forth
at first,
she thought
a hurricane
must be brewing—
-
you should never love
anything
more than you love
your own children.
you should never love
more than you love
your own children.
-
where
do all the
memories go,
the ones we
hide away
with
lock &
key yet
continue
to shape
us all the
s a m e?
-
at eleven years old
the doctor weighed me
& afterwards,
my mother told me
i was too fat
& that i needed to
go on a diet
immediately.
for an entire year,
food barely passed
through my lips.
i did not even allow myself
to take a sip of water
because i wanted to be
so thin that i
could blow away
with the slightest breeze—
disappear.
i dropped sixty pounds
in a few short months
& i had to wear long sleeves
to cover up the
“cat scratches. ”
-
“friend request from _________”
a) the girl who said you were ugly.
b) the girl who said your voice was off-key.
c) the girl who refused to defend you.
