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Let’s Pretend

This Never Happened

Let’s Pretend

This Never Happened

(A Mostly True Memoir)

Jenny Lawson

THE BLOGGESS

AMY EINHORN BOOKS

Published by G. P. Putnam’s Sons

a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

New York

AMY EINHORN BOOKS

Published by G. P. Putnam’s Sons

Publishers Since 1838

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc. , 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA • Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc. ) • Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England • Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) • Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) • Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi–110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) • Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Copyright © 2012 by Jenny Lawson

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Published simultaneously in Canada

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Endpaper art: Wildlife © Madeleine Northey, 2012. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Lawson, Jenny, date.

Let’s pretend this never happened : (a mostly true memoir) / Jenny Lawson.

p.

ISBN: 978-1-101-57308-2

1. Lawson, Jenny. 2. Journalists—United States—Biography. 3. Humorists, American—21st century—Biography. I. Title. II.

Title: Let’s pretend this never happened.

PN4874. L285A3 2012 2011050662

070. 92—dc23

Printed in the United States of America

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

BOOK DESIGN BY NICOLE LAROCHE

Penguin is committed to publishing works of quality and integrity. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this book to our readers; however, the story, the experiences, and the words are the author’s alone.